30/5/11

Good news, my last report seems not to have incurred the wrath of the censor and she let me have my dinner (eventually).
Well I don’t know how but Dogs-About-Town seem to have got the impression that I’m often rather sleepy.
I don’t know how this has happened and I’m determined to put this right.
Lots of photos are A photo is circulating t’interweb pupporting to show me and Jackson snoring.
#Mark:please put that bally awfully embarrassing pic of me Helen took at this point in me narrative, if you would, Ta#

Now I’d like for everyone to notice the flash relecting off my eye, dazzling me mightily,
and causing me to see blobs and blotches of afterimage for ages afterwards. Thanks Helen.
The point I’m making is that if my eye is open, I’m awake,
and if I’m awake then I’m not asleep
and if I’m not asleep then I can’t possibly be snoring , can I?
Exactly.

So even if Jackson does sometimes snore enough for the both of us then that’s no reason not to offer him a home.
The fact that as you can clearly see he snores on my bed is a perfect reason that you must offer him a home immediately.
By my bed in the photo you can see my stuff: books, photos, momentos and the like.
Things Dogs Acquire Over Time.
My favorite books are on the bottom shelf for easy bedtime reading.
They are a present Helen got me many years ago for biting someone who defending her.
They are a full 21 volume set of first edition leatherbound copies of that most coveted work:

The Fully Illustrated Encyclopedia Of Bonios,

signed to frontispiece by Lord Bonio himself.

Well the thing is, I always used to love looking at this before going off to sleep of an evening, as it helps me have wonderful Bonio-filled dreams.
And when Jackson first came to stay with us he wasn’t feeling very well, so it seemed the right thing to let him sleep on the end of my bed and I’d read him Bedtime Bonio stories.
The Trouble IS, youngsters these days haven’t the stamina for some reason.
Whenever I start reading, he’s always nodded off and is snoring away before I’ve even got to the end of reading him the Foreword, Preface, Introduction by Lord Bonio and the first 100 pages of Volume One.
And once he’s asleep I can’t reach the other volumes and can hardly wake him up can I?
So over the past few weeks I’m getting desperate to read the other volumes again.
I find myself worrying in the middle of the night about whether I might have forgotten some of the Bonios in volumes 19 and 20 , and whether the one I dreamt of last night was from page 433 of Volume XII or from page 253 from Volume XV?
It is starting the bother me, because perhaps my memory is not as sharp as it once was.

So please someone hurry up and get Jackson off my bed!!!!!!!!! consider giving lovely Jackson a home and think of his snores as endearing and not the sort that rattle your photos off your shelves so that they bounce off your head in the middle of the night and you think that there’s been a blooming earthquake!!!!!!!!!

24/5/11

Helen found out about our earlier reports and both me and Mark who does the website were in Quite A Lot Of Trouble.
So I’ve got to tone it down a bit and Mark is going to help edit it so we don’t get sued. he doesn’t get an irate phone call and I don’t get my dinner confiscated.
I’m quite getting to like this ‘blogging’ malarkey and might have to ask Mark if I can have my own ‘Mutley’s Diary’ section like Dooley.
Then again I’m rather an old dog and this is rather a new trick…
However, I’m not old enough to be pensioned off yet so huge thanks to everyone who gave me all those yummy bonios last month, they were very tasty! had the wisdom and foresight to invest their bonios in my Pension Plan for their future.
Anyway, moving quickly on…. about Jackson…
A new spy photo of him has been taken whilst he, Spike and I were all hard at work helping Helen at her allotment on Saturday.
I say ‘spy photo’ because I’m in it and I certainly don’t remember it being taken!
It shows us hard at work waiting for the water to be added to what obviously must be our new padding pool. It will be great to have one as such hot days inevitably cause one to become rather dozy dusty after luncheon.
As you can see in the photo, Helen had placed lots of things onto the lovely warm black bed black plastic sheeting to weight it down to stop the wind blowing it away until it was filled up with water. We volunteered to have a kip on it helpfully helped weight it down too.
We waited all afternoon in fact but Helen never did fill it up.
Later ( some time seems to have elasped here and I can’t remember how ) I woke up I was going to ask Helen to hurry up and fill up the pool but she seemed busy with the plants and muttering why we didn’t help her with the digging, so I didn’t mention it.
Best not too I thought, after all, I was up ( in principle at any rate ) to helping with the digging but Spike and Jackson seemed quite sleepy for some reason.
Let sleeping dogs lie, I always tell people say.
Anyway the whole point of this ramble report is to say that in the photo you can see that Jackson is now sporting a very natty matching-jacket-and-trouser-ensemble like all the other youngsters these days.

Now when I were a lad…..

*zzzz*