26/5/11

Hello again all!

This time of year all dogs with any sense, and quite a lot with none, who live near the sea love to go to the beach.

There is something so satisfying about stretching out on the hot sand, having a snooze, getting too hot, having a paddle or a swim, getting too cold, and then having a snooze in the sun to warm up again.

Helen does this a lot whilst I prefer to dig sand all over people covered in sun-cream!

Dogs also like doing these things and especially as I’ve become a more mature dog I’ve really started to appreciate the finer points of living near the beach;

Lolling in my deckchair, sipping cool lemonade through a straw with my sunglasses on, or maybe even enjoying having an ice-cream if Helen will go oblige and fetch one,  breathing in the salty sea air and distant smells of  someone’s-food-not-too-far-away-to be-investigated-when-Helen-is not-looking.

At times like these even my blasted muzzle can be imagined to be a designer fashion accessory worn by a discerning fellow to prevent a Dog About Town getting his nose sunburnt.

Of course there are drawbacks; the angry shouting about Which Dog Stole The Small Child’s Ball, the inevitable holiday snaps featuring one in a compromising position with someone else’s sandwiches, the lack of privacy when one is caught short unless one goes in the sea, the sand going up your muzzle when you try and pick up things you’ve been told to leave well alone and amongst these I count my companion Spike and his incessant barking, here captured on cctv footage whilst I was just trying to chill out and be sociable to The World At Large as usual.

I can’t work out why he is always so noisy whenever we go to the beach. You’ll see that I have a devil of a time trying to shut him up…

Starring:

Mutley

as

The Hero ( lead role although he’s not got his lead on)

Co-starring:

Spike

as

The Villain

none speaking parts:

Smeagol Jackson

as

Jackson Smeagol The Seaweed Hoarder

and introducing:

Bramble

as

The Well-Behaved One

A boniosaremyobsession Production

not featuring :

Mark

as

The One Who Is Going To Get Grief From Helen For Writing Out The Above Credits You Can Be Sure Of That Oh Yes Especially For What He’s Put About Spike and Smeagol Jackson!

14/6/11

Well, well well!

Who’d have thought it, I now have my own online diary!

This has come about because Mark is In Big Trouble with Helen.
He’s in trouble because I wanted to do an update which mentioned the bane of my life my good friend Spike.

Spike is the other permanent resident of the Rescue who has reached the hallowed status of becoming one of Helen’s own dogs and having a star collar.
At the time I was thinking of this, Spike was enjoying playing with one of his favourite toys – a large red rubber ring, which he constantly worries at and savages for being All-Kinds-Of-Imaginary-Snake-like-Creatures.

So anyway I suggested to Mark about writing a ‘Lord Of The Rings’ themed update, with me being Lord Of The Bonios because I’m obsessed by Bonios and like to order people around by demanding they feed me whenever I’m a bit peckish, Spike having the ring, and hence being Frodo ( because he is also much smaller than me and so to me is of hobbit-sized proportions and also because he has hairy feet ).

All was going well with this idea until Mark suggested with much mirth that Jackson could be Smeagol, on account of him looking rather like him.
Helen took great affront at this on Smeagols Jacksons behalf and my latest update was banned, censored, removed, evicted and generally forcibly done away with pronto.

Helen would also have liked to have confiscated Mark’s dinner like she often does with mine for good measure but since we live in Poole and he lives in the Far North somewhere up near the Arctic Circle Birmingham this wasn’t possible.

So instead my ‘updates’ are being removed from Smeagols Jacksons page and placed in my own Diary and Mark is forbidden from ever referring to Smeagol Jackson as Smeagol Jackson ever again no matter how funny he thinks it is to do so to wind Helen up.

Which it does.

Very much indeed.