The Shaky Bottle

Updated July 12, 2008 Categories: Dooley's diary.

The Shaky Bottle is one of Helen’s Magical Artifacts.

It has extraordinary powers and Compels Obedience In All Known Dogs.

Even me.

It doesn’t look very scary to the untrained eye. It looks like an empty old plastic green lilt bottle, which might make A Good Chewing Object.

But no dog ever goes near the Shaky Bottle to try and chew it.

This is because the bottle contains some Stones of Arcane Wrath.

Helen and her friends know how to awaken the Stones of Arcane Wrath and then they make a noise most terrible which causes all us dogs to Instantly Cease Mucking About.

I must admit I used to be scared of The Shaky Bottle, and even now that I’m several months older and so Scared of Nothing At All, I still know that it is best not to be Shaken At.

The Shaky Bottle usually appears when we’re in the car.

More specifically it seems, it usually appears when I’m in the car.

When I ride in the front with Mark, Helen gives him The Shaky Bottle and I know well enough to stay in the footwell.

At least some of the time.

When I forget and try and jump through the window, chew the gearstick, or change the Bauhaus tape, The Stones of Arcane Wrath are invoked by the magic Shaky Bottle.

Even Mutley knows not to mess with The Shaky Bottle. Mutley is my hero but when he tries to climb into the front when Helen is driving, or if he starts singing his Epic Ballad of Constant Barking, the Shaky Bottle soon brings him back into line.

Even Rocco can’t explain coherently why it is so disconcerting to be Shaken At, and he thinks he Knows It All.

He also can’t explain how the Stones of Arcane Wrath ended up becoming trapped inside in the first place. Helen must be a Wielder of Magical Power herself. No wonder they are so angry, all that Arcane Wrath, and they can’t get out of an old plastic pop bottle.

I laugh at them!

But only when I’m very very very sure that they can’t hear me …