Tales of Dastardly Dogs

Nero ( a.k.a Zero the dalmation X with no spots )

progress update: 03/06/2014

NERO THE DASTARDLY DOG!

Many of the dogs we have in foster homes commit dastardly deeds such as chewing up shoes and phone chargers, scratching doors and nicking items of washing to drag around the garden.
Zero’s parting shot the evening before going to his new home may even beat Mutley’s most dastardly deed.

This is what he did :-

Geoff had been out for his teatime meet up and drink with his friends that hold Parliament at the Pub.
Later on feeling warm inside and a little tired after a hard day looking after six dogs and a horse plus a couple of hours spent deciding how the country should be run, he fell asleep on the chair in the kitchen.
On waking up he rubbed his face and realised to his surprise that his false eye had fallen out !!
He looked all around the floor before he found something in Zero’s bed that was once Geoff’s false eye but no longer something he would want to put back in, as it was now to say the least, not quite the right shape with a few bits of it missing and covered in slobber !!

The Doctor on being told this tale of woe said he had heard of dogs eating homework but never an eye.
Geoff is now awaiting delivery of a new one…..

Continue reading “Nero ( a.k.a Zero the dalmation X with no spots )”

Anonymous Dastardly Dog

Recently, I have noticed a slight smell of urine in my kitchen.

I am sad to have to report that someone
who is not owning up to this dastardly deed peed in my wellie !!!!

Until the guilty culprit comes forward and owns up,
all dogs are on detention for a week and are to
write a 100 lines each

“Helen’s boots are not to be peed in”

Barney and the 19 eccles cakes

A few years ago my mum baked a big batch of home-made eccles cakes.

They were very hot straight from the oven and so she put them on top of the worktop to cool.

There were two trays of them, 19 big cakes in all.

And then there were none.

A full investigation after the Dastardly Deed concluded that the maximum possible time that Barney could have been unaccompanied in the kitchen was two minutes.

So well-executed was this Dastardly Deed that the number of eccles cakes misappropriated on that fateful day was carefully recorded, in order that it may serve as an inspiration to would-be Dastardly Dogs for years to come!

Mutley and the moaning at 5:30

When I first arrived in the rescue I had been used to getting my own way and would bark at precisely 5.30 for my tea.

If this didn’t work I would flip the food bin and nip Helen on the bum,
I thought if I did this enough I would get what I wanted.

But Helen is a tough cookie and not one of those types you can steal.
She made me wait until very late before she would feed me.

I still moan a bit at 5.30 and know the time even when the clocks change.

Mark brought a very large box of bonios for me when he last came to stay,
I let the other dogs have some but as I am very good at stealing food I eat most of them.

Helen decided to stop this and emptied them into various dog proof containers and as you can see I am helping her arrange them.

If I sit long enough with my paw on her knee she drops one on the floor.

Dastardly dogs!!

I think the following tale of our walk with the dogs is a Dastardly Dog story!

Emma and I take Mutley, Spike, Dooley and Harley up the field
today, leaving the new dogs that arrived today to settle in.

We leave Mutley in the car whilst we walk the others planning to come
back for him later (he and Rocco aren’t getting on too well)

All is going well the rain has stopped and the sun is out, that is
until we reach the river.

Spike and Dooley launch themselves in
obviously not realising that after recent rainfall the river is
flowing at a 100 mph.

Rocco who is usually first in the river is much more suss as he has looked at it and thought “No way Hosea”

They refuse to come out and are last seen at this point not actually swimming but
flowing backwards whilst barely holding their own.

Total panic!!

I race back down the field and realise that i need to get into the next field
to get to them.

So I climb up onto the fence, hop over and land in a ditch up to my knees.

Fight my way through nettles from hell that are chest high,
run down to the riverbank and can hear frightened squeals coming from
the river.

I realise that I may have to go in so throw my mobile down
and rush to the bank.

Harley and Rocco are behind me (don’t have any
idea how they managed to get in after me as the fence was high)

Emma is close on my heels.
Dooley and Spike are still swimming backwards and I call to them to
encourage them to swim towards me.

Dooley does and I pull him out but Spike doesn’t,

so I run further down and yell at him to come several times.

The little bugger then leisurely swims to me and pulls himself
out.
Emma also landed in the ditch and her wellies are squelching with each
step.

Then we realise that we have to get out and are surrounded by
nettles, we don’t fancy the ditch again as I have seen leeches in the
mud before.

So our only course of action is to battle our way round
the riverbank through the nettles to get out.

Off we go with the dogs following, after half an hour we reach a fairly clear bit and realise
that Dooley and Spike have gone back in the river, this time luckily by
the reeds.

We get them out and Spike disappears.
No amount of calling brings him back so back I go the way we have come
only to find the rascal has given up on the nettles and gone back to
the field, refusing to go any further.

You can imagine by this time I am thinking

“Your on your own mate either follow me or stay there!”

I get back to where Emma and the other dogs are and continue to fight our
way through to a piece of fence that doesn’t have 6 foot nettles on
the other side tunnel our way under the barbed wire and finally get
out. Of course Spike appears too.

Back to the car put Rocco in and bring Mutley out,

head back to the riverbank to get the lead I left there.

What does Dooley do but launch himself in again and off he goes having swum out to the middle.

NOT AGAIN PLEASE!!

Emma holds the dogs I battle my way back through the
nettles into the next field run to the river just as he hauls himself
back out.
Emma and I are soaking, covered in mud and our hands and legs are
throbbing from the nettle stings, what are the dogs doing ?

Chasing each other round the field without a care in the world

and completely ignorant of our ordeal!